How to Become Authentic

Episode 886: How to Become Authentic, with Rob Jolles

How to become authentic as a person? Listen to Rob Jolles’ advice about believing in yourself and finally how to become authentic.

Ready to learn how to become authentic? Then join us in today’s episode with our special guest, Rob Jolles, as he talks about the importance of authenticity and many other things.

For those of you who don’t know, Rob Jolles is a sought-after speaker who teaches, entertains, and inspires audiences worldwide. His live programs in and around the world have enabled him to amass a client list of Fortune 500 companies including Toyota, Disney, GE, a dozen universities, and over 50 financial institutions. He is the best-selling author of six books, including his latest release, Why People Don’t Believe You…Building Credibility from the Inside Out. To learn more, visit Jolles.com.

What you’ll learn in this episode about how to become authentic:

• How Rob unconsciously excelled at his job at the New York Life Insurance Company in his first year, at just 22 years old, and why that was a problem
• Why not knowing what he was doing right for his career became a challenge when he started struggling with the burden of success
• How becoming an actor in his spare time became the third piece of Rob’s ultimate career as a corporate trainer
• Why Rob wrote his first book, and why he doesn’t consider himself a writer despite authoring six books
• Why Rob loves processes, and why he believes success isn’t really about processes but comes down to “percentage points”
• Why Rob began teaching people not just what to say, but how to become authentic in saying it, and how that led to writing his book
• Why Rob’s publisher decided to title his book “Why People Don’t Believe You”, and how it relates to Rob’s observations on life
• Why the first step on how to become authentic is to be honest and absolutely believe the things you are saying
• Why it is important to not make assumptions and tell yourself a made-up narrative about others
• Why Rob believes that we should stop using the phrase “soft skills” and should start calling them “performance skills”

Resources:

• Website: www.jolles.com
• Why People Don’t Believe You by Rob Jolles: https://amzn.to/2ElQ8w7
• Start your journey on how to become authentic by checking out this blog

Additional Resources:

• Sell With Authority by Drew McLellan and Stephen Woessner: https://amzn.to/39y7x13
• Predictive ROI Free Resource Library: https://predictiveroi.com/resources/
• Stephen Woessner’s LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/stephenwoessner/
• Learn about how to become authentic in storytelling from our guest, Tricia Brouk

 

 

How to Become Authentic: Full Episode Transcript 

 

Get ready to find your recipe for success from America’s top business owners here at Onward Nation with your host, Stephen Woessner.

 

Good morning. I’m Stephen Woessner, CEO of Predictive ROI and your host for Onward Nation, where I interview today’s top business owners so we can learn their recipe for success, how they built and how they scaled their business. In fact, my team had Predictive ROI while we recently rebuilt, and we’re continuing to add and rebuild our free resources section on predictiveroi.com.

 

So if you haven’t visited yet, I strongly encourage you to do so because we’re adding more assets, more resources, more things that can be helpful to you as you look to build and scale your business. Right now, you can find tactical guides for everything from search engine optimization, how to use LinkedIn to generate leads, and other success strategies, things that we’ve compiled from the brilliant insights shared by our guests.

 

Just go to predictiveroi.com/resources to get yours. Whatever your request, we will send it right to your inbox. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Rob Jolles’ Introduction

 

Now, let’s welcome today’s guest, Rob Jolles. Rob is a highly sought after speaker who teaches, entertains and inspires audiences worldwide. His life programs have enabled him to amass a client list Onward Nation of Fortune 500 companies, including Toyota, Disney and General Electric.

 

He’s also the bestselling author of six books, including his latest entitled Why People Don’t Believe You. Building credibility from Inside Out. Welcome to Onward Nation, Rob. 

 

Let’s do this thing. I’m ready. That is so awesome. Onward Nation, we had, Rob and I just had, just a really fun and, not not only entertaining, but just really insightful, pre-interview chat in the green room.

 

And so I am so very excited, Rob, that you’re bringing that level of enthusiasm to be super, super helpful to Onward Nation business owners. Before we dive into the, to your book and to all the questions I want to ask you actually take us behind the curtain here. I mean, impressive bio. You’ve worked with some incredible companies.

 

You’ve been on stages worldwide. You’ve written six books. Oh my goodness. Impressive background. However, it is only a portion of your story. So tell us more about you, your path, your journey, and then we’ll dive in. You bet. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Rob’s Path and Journey

 

You know, I think it all began for me two weeks out of the University of Maryland, stepping into the New York Life Insurance Company and actually selling life, health and disability for two years, four days, three hours and about ten minutes.

 

I actually made the top club you could make. I was number 11 in the nation in my first year when I was 22 years old, and I was, which we call an unconscious competent, meaning I was doing something right. But management kind of left me alone and said, whatever you’re doing it. You don’t have to tell us what it is.

 

You can just keep doing it. And so it’s like I lived the life of the danger of being a natural athlete, an unconscious, competent and, because what happens is eventually I made business life. Sales ebb and flow as you go up and down, what do you fix when you don’t know what it is that you’re doing?

 

Right. And so, I had this tremendous first year. I had a corner office at the Watergate building overlooking the Potomac River and the Kennedy Center. In my own office. My second year, all I had to do was do that again, and that’s where I ran into some trouble. I kind of looked around and I thought, I have two choices here.

 

I could become unethical or I could burn out and I’m a very competitive person. I chose both, I actually made the chairman’s council my second year, and it just took something out of me. I wasn’t ready for that level of success. But New York life was kind. And they, you know, I walked in a couple days into that third year and said, I can’t do this anymore.

 

And they actually tapped me on the shoulder and said, we’re going to make a trainer out of you and really changed my life because as you’ve used the word kind of going behind the curtain, all of a sudden I was given the ability to go to New York, kind of learn from the inside, go behind my own curtain, and begin studying what it was that I was doing on a good day, on a bad day and, and process what I was doing.

 

So, that was a tremendous help. I actually spent a few more years with New York Life, then shot over to Xerox, and the whole world changed because we’re New York. Life taught me to love Sally. Xerox was. Well, you didn’t tie your shoe at Xerox without some kind of process. At least they say when you have a way of a process, you have a way of measuring what you’re doing.

 

And when you can measure it, you can fix it. And I really owe that to Xerox for teaching me not just to love what I was doing, but specifically in a repeatable, predictable manner, how to do what I was doing. And that really shaped me. Wow. Okay. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Combining Three Careers Into One

 

So then as when I introduced you and I mentioned, you know, that you teach in or entertain and inspire that teaching, it sounds like you learned you’re in the trenches.

 

You were, you know, becoming successful and, but not maybe consciously aware of how. But you really cut your teeth at New York Life. And then Xerox really taught you how to maybe, maybe see the process in it all in those two experiences, like from an impact perspective that now carries you forward to what you’re doing today and how you teach today.

 

I’m making some assumptions here, but am I tracking with you? You’re absolutely tracking with me perfectly. One way. It’s like we’re making a recipe for this nutty jar brain. But add one more piece to that recipe, which was in college in my spare time. And when I went out to dinner theaters, local theaters, I did a lot of acting.

 

So I had this kind of acting fix that I was looking for. And so when you take an actor, a frustrated actor, and you create a corporate trainer with a sales background, you got some you got a dangerous individual walking on that stage right now. And, so I was able to put the three together.

 

But one last thing. You know, I tell people when I mentor people and I help a lot of people in career transition in my spare time, that frequently when you really study our stories, you don’t find your career. It kind of finds you. And, you know, we got to keep our eyes open. But when you look at the acting, the salary that needs to perform, now you have a corporate trainer. And then I know the story goes on. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Writing A Book

 

So then take us into it, into the speaking. Take us into your thought leadership with the books and obviously speaking of thought leadership as well. But take us into that piece like, like when and why did you decide to write your first book? I mean, writing a book is hard.

 

So what was going on career wise? You’re like, you know, gal, darn it, I’m going to write this first book and I’m going to get this out. And then I transitioned into thought leadership. So, why write that first book? Okay. And I think you’re gonna be the first ever to hear this story because it’s not quite as dramatic as you think.

 

I actually spent eight years training all the trainers for Xerox and their customers. It was a five day program. And the secret of this Xerox training was anybody can know the body, the material, it’s how to get people charged up, let them know what’s in it for them to learn it, what you expect out of them. Really stick your landing at the end so every week I would come home and whatever eight presentations went on and now I want to climb Mount Rainier.

 

Now I want to help people who are illiterate learn to read whatever was being presented really charged me up because they were following a process to intentionally do that well. One guy gave a presentation called How to Write a Book, and he had you bring in your source, Robert Major. Actually, I still keep this on my desk.

 

I wrote a book called How to Write a Book, and he quoted the source. He charged me up. I went home and I said, I’m not only climbing Mount Rainier, I’m writing a book while I’m doing it. I mean, so I kind of added that to my list, but I had that maker book in my hip pocket.

 

And if you’ve ever seen the old play, the old musical How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying, and Walter Cronkite voice narrating the words of that book, I had Cronkite’s book practically reading me that book in my head. I followed it to the ladder, right down to sending out three proposals. When it was time to get that book published, I got two offers right out of the gate, and it never happened again.

 

By the way, the next five books were slug matches, but everything fell on the line. But that’s how it happened. Just somebody charged me up in my own class using my own methods against me. Hit me up, and I wrote the book. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Following A Process in A Disciplined Manner

 

Okay. Well, a couple of things really stood out to me. In that story, one you mentioned follows a process on how to intentionally do that.

 

So you weren’t aimlessly wandering through the wilderness? Yes. You got excited, motivated, and all of that kind of stuff came home. And maybe some of that emotion helped fuel you through the hard work of the book, but you were intentionally following a process. Is that piece fair? I was intentionally following a process to the letter. I was raised by a marine, you know, in a very kind of disciplined manner.

 

And so I actually love when a process exists. I didn’t want somebody to say, well, you’re going to just be all excited about this and inspired and motivated. So now you’re ready to go. I really need somebody. Did somebody say step one? You will put your pen on the bottom. And so I really followed it to the letter.

 

It was just what I needed. And you know, it was wonderful. And that really started, a love of writing. And if I could dovetail another quick story up. Sure. Get knocked down again. Back up. Please understand how ironic this is, because between York Life and Xerox, I had one other stay, and it was with a company called Battelle Memorial Institute.

 

Wonderful company. And I was their superstar trainer, and they love me. The problem was the contract ended and there were only seven of us. And for the entire year, I kept telling everybody, I’m not a writer. I’m not a writer. Well, this was a defense contractor. We didn’t have any contracts. All we could do was write and respond to RFPs.

 

So they had to lay off one person. And I got laid off because I wasn’t a writer. So I marched myself in, to one of the local universities here. But, you know, I already have a degree, but took a couple of writing classes and, yeah, six books later, I have a bigger grin on my face than most people think, because I actually was asked to leave because I couldn’t write.

 

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How to Become Authentic: Training Speakers

 

Well, there’s an age-old kind of axiom Onward Nation, and its talkers are hawkers, but writers are experts, and that doesn’t mean that, you know, if you’re out giving speeches and that kind of stuff that’s less credible. That’s not what I’m saying. But there is a level of credibility that comes from writing a book.

 

Or in Rob’s case, you’ve written six and my assumption is that when we think about thought leaders and who, you know, if I’m Toyota and I’m scheduling an event, who do I want to have on stage? The fact that you’ve written six books, my guess is for those decision makers as well as the quality of content, obviously, in the way that you deliver it, obviously.

 

But having written six books, that’s probably a very important piece to them. Well, huge. You know, one of the things I do is I’m, you know, I’m looking at the top of the mountain now. I’m kind of starting to look to the other side and so for the last number of years, you know, I got a coaching license and I mentor authors and I train speakers, and two of the publishers actually send me some of confidentially their names are confidential, but some of the more well known celebrities that will write a book but aren’t speakers they’ll send to me.

 

So I’m very comfortable training speakers. But, you know, the key for me is that I love speaking, and the books support that. I really am a speaker who writes and not a writer who speaks. And, it’s a part of what I do to be a professional speaker. You have to write it. Really?

 

The speaker’s girl won’t touch up without a book. So it’s a condition of entry. And that made it easy. That makes it an easy decision to write. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: It’s All About Following a Process

 

Absolutely. So I want to go back to before we dive into your current book, your latest release. I want to go back to another word that I, because we talked about kind of intentionally following the process.

 

And that actual word is process, because in the last five minutes, you’ve actually mentioned the word process three times, whether that was a New York life, you know, once you became a trainer, they were going to help you then process what you were doing right, getting really intentional about that so that you could teach others. It’s Xerox. Everything was a process of writing the book.

 

You’re intentionally following a process and so on. And the reason why I’m calling this out again, it’s the intentionality of this. You know, Rob is not aimlessly wandering through the wilderness and all of a sudden now has six books. You know, he did that with intention and following a process was one of the ingredients. Or maybe that was the overall recipe.

 

Would you agree with that, Rob? You know, I 100% and yet I’m going to disappoint you just slightly. Okay. So take a bite of the coffee. But an organization doesn’t hate me for this. But let me get this thought out. I am a slave to the process. I correct one of the things New York life didn’t really teach me about the process.

 

They taught me three scripts, and I think that’s one of the reasons why I don’t sell life insurance to this day. Xerox. Much different style, completely different from technique. You really got to focus on the technique and stylize it your own way. There were no scripts but this last book, and I know we’ll get to it, but I just want to prepare you for a guy who can’t stop saying the word process like me.

 

All of a sudden. One of the challenges of this book, different from any other book I ever wrote, was not so much the process, but percentage points, meaning? Meaning I’d love for there to be a repeatable, predictable process for hope. I’d love for there to be a repeatable, predictable process for pitch and cause and pace and some of the techniques that I’ll write about.

 

But what it really comes down to is what I call percentages. Meaning I’ll show you something and it’s only going to make it 2% more effective. But by the way, if you don’t want those two points, give them to me. I could use them and what if I show you nine other things, and each piece gets us a few more points and a few more points?

 

All of a sudden we’re looking at a guy in the corner going, look how lucky that guy is! And I look at him and say, you know, not so much luck. That person is methodical about really taking care of very small percentage moves, and collectively they’re powerful. That is great. So let’s go there. Let’s dive into your book.

 

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How to Become Authentic: Deciding On the Title of The Book

 

But let’s first start with the title. And then we’ll move into some of the big nuggets that you want business owners to be aware of and take out of this conversation. But let’s first, you know, talk about the title. It’s in my opinion, I mean, it’s not offensive at all, but it’s kind of provocative.

 

You know, why people don’t believe you so like, why did you decide to title your book? Why don’t people believe you got it? And I’ll begin with the idea. Please, everyone understand when you work with a publisher, you typically have control of just about everything but the title. So no title of a book I’ve ever written.

 

It’s actually my title, and they tend to know what you’re doing. So let’s give them credit. This may help. I actually want to call it it’s not the words, it’s the tune. And that may be that’s but by the way, it’s chapter one in the book, but that gives you a better, broader idea of what this is about.

 

Now, let me answer your question. And remember, just like a career, sometimes a book finds you. What happened was, I walked into what I refer to as a petri dish of people who were struggling to be believed. Meaning I was asked as a volunteer to come in and speak to some people who are in a career transition who had lost their jobs or were on the verge of losing their jobs.

 

And I thought, okay, you know, it was 20 minutes from my house. I’ll talk to a dozen people and get this over with. I walked in, there were 250 people in the room. Why did they come to see me? This is a group that meets every week. And it took my breath away and I looked. I tried to, I volunteered, and I started going back every Tuesday when I was in town.

 

And, I tried to find a place for myself, but I noticed fairly quickly that those who were struggling weren’t struggling with the words. In other words, we were working on the resume, words we were working on a LinkedIn site, words. We were working on an elevator pitch, words. But nobody was teaching them how to say the words.

 

And I’m even guilty of spending over 30 years of my career teaching people what to say. I never really stopped and said, well, it actually comes easy to me. I guess I’m an actor, but yeah, you’re going to have to say this the right way or it’s really hollow. And I started experimenting in this petri dish, put it on two day programs, and the first one I put in, put on the minimum requirement was you had to be unemployed at least two years.

 

Most of them were four and five years old. 12 people and ten of them were hired within three months. Why? Because we took away the simple words. Stop obsessing on the words. Let’s just make you authentic. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Going Deeper into The Title of The Book

 

Let’s put you in the moment. And that’s when I thought, you know, I might have a book here. And I started to write.

 

And as I mentor and as a coach and as I worked with this petri dish, I saw things that were working and not working. And then, you know, it became a book. Oh, okay. So before we go deeper into the title, I’d like to know a little bit more about why the publisher decided to title it that way.

 

I want to stop here, though, because I think what you just gave us was a huge lesson about how in one instance, one event, one speaking engagement, one thing, you are out in front of an audience, in this case 250 people. That then sparked an idea that eventually led to a book, right? Am I getting kind of a sequence of events?

 

You’re correct, 100% correct, and right down to the fact of let’s just add to make it a little spicy of the story, I really showed up kind of like kicking a can, you know, kind of whining because that your professional speaking, everybody wants a free talk, believe me. 

 

So, you know, I really kind of moderated mumbles like tons of and, isn’t it true that when you think about that, some of the greatest days of our lives are when, you know, we as Robert Louis, I think it was Robert Louis Stevens said the greatest adventures are the ones we’re not seeking, or we don’t go out to seek, that I lived that moment at that time. But, you know, I was really not a very happy person walking into that room. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Taking The Opportunity to Start Writing a Book

 

So Onward Nation, this is great mentorship that Rob is sharing with you right now, in my opinion. And that is we all have those opportunities, whether that is speaking in front of 250 people or at a Chamber of Commerce breakfast or a local economic development opportunity, or maybe speaking on a stage with 250 people, whatever that is, or being a mentor in our community, helping other business owners, whatever that might be.

 

He’s giving us great mentorship here about how whatever that opportunity is, there might be a nugget or two that could turn into a book, or maybe a blog series, or maybe a YouTube series or whatever, that the fact that your expertise Onward Nation and you’re using that every single day, don’t just kind of sleepwalk through it and take it for granted.

 

You take it for granted because it’s your expertise. Whereas that was a huge wake up call to Rob that he was actually delivering a huge amount of value and something that he didn’t want to do at first. And then holy bananas, it turned into an incredible book. Awesome. Rob yeah, yeah. And well said. It really was. It’s and you know, it’s kind of corny, but I grew up kind of a boxing fan.

 

And I remember there was a fighter one time named Marvelous Marvin Hagler. And this really stuck with me as he was always in tremendous shape and really a great fighter. And he said, you know, usually I love training. I want to train, I work hard, I train hard, he said. But I think what makes me different is the days I don’t want to train, the days I don’t want to do it.

 

I don’t want to show up. Those are the days I train twice as hard and I look at that as a kind of almost a metaphor for many of the things we do when we don’t walk in that room, don’t want to walk in the room. That’s probably the day we’re supposed to walk in the room. When we don’t have it.

 

Look, we talk. I talk to myself 100 times a year. Once the best, once the weakest is the 98 or somewhere in the middle. But the ones that I’m showing up for where I don’t feel like I’ve got what I want. The tank. That’s what I’m going to do. That Marvin Hagler piece in my head, going now you fight twice as hard today. And those are the special ones. Yeah. And because you did that it turned into your sixth book. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: The Secret Sauce in Marketing and Selling

 

Yeah. Right. So why don’t people believe you? Why did they name it that? Well, because it really I think the overriding theme is even if we called it, it’s not the word, it’s the tomb. It’s not just people in career transition.

 

It’s many people who have been told at a young age, you know, I think you’re going to be an accountant, Larry. You know that, in other words, they just don’t have it doesn’t come natural for their hands to fire off in their and their gestures to be big and their, you know, pitch to raise and fall and so they almost get cornered.

 

And in a sense, it’s almost a sadness to have to live being told that people don’t believe you. And the Band-Aid we keep putting on is here. We’ll just say this, that just say this, that, and I just thought I, you know, I think they captured it. I will say one other thing from a marketing standpoint.

 

Look, remember, if you’re building a website, if you’re building a brochure, if you’re building something that you want to market and sell, well, I think the secret sauce seems to be lately. What problem are you addressing? What problem are you fixing? And I think that went into the title as well. But, I also understand that when I write a book, I do it a little bit differently.

 

I don’t want somebody putting a clock on me to be inspired. I need to feel it. So I’m a rarity. I write a manuscript and then go sell it. Most people write a chapter, an outline, and then go sell it and there’s more value in that typically because the publisher can kind of walk you through.

 

I usually come in saying, if you don’t like it, I’ll find somebody else who does, but this is what I need to say. Well, and both are obviously viable strategies. You’ve had great success and six books. You know that that doesn’t happen by accident. 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Building Credibility from the Inside Out

 

Okay. So, take us beyond the title then. So the subtitle is, Onward Nation, full title.

 

Why don’t people believe you? And then the subtitle is Building Credibility from the Inside Out. And you’ve kind of given us a little bit of a lens into the subtitle and maybe what the book is about. Give us, in your perspective or from your perspective, Rob. Maybe the two biggest nuggets, if you will, are business owners Onward Nation.

 

Business owners really ought to take out of this conversation. What are the two biggest nuggets maybe from the book? And I know there’s much more than that, but yeah, I’ll take 160 pages and give it two nuggets out of it. Thanks. That way. Okay. So, let’s deal with the subtitles.

 

I think it leads into the nuggets. You look okay. All right. It’s called building from the inside out. Again, not something that I was running around with in my brain was. In fact, there’s two moves, everybody, when I’m interviewed or when I’m in front of an audience. Once they get at, well, how do you get people to believe you?

 

How do you get people to believe you? But the first nugget that inside out is one of the biggest culprits is we don’t believe ourselves. And so why would I be showing you five process behaviors or percentage moves of how to get somebody to believe you when you don’t believe you? So we start there. And if I was going to give you a nugget, one of them and and you know, people will sometimes I watch an audience, I read an audience.

 

And when I mentioned this, sometimes I see them going rarely. That’s it. But I want you to nest with this just for a second. When I say it’s really important that you believe in yourself. Meaning when we, I can’t just stand over your shoulder and say, now let’s start with, you know, you believe in you. You’ve got to tell the truth.

 

Okay? It’s all about the truth. The reason why people fail so often is because they’re trying to convince themselves that that product is better or that they, you know, or they’re better or whatever idea they’re putting forward is effective. But when you don’t believe it, when you don’t believe that you’ve got the goods, it’s really hard to act to find that authentic tone.

 

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How to Become Authentic: You Need to Believe in Yourself

 

So sometimes we have to back up because people go, well, what if my product isn’t the best? Okay, well, then we probably need to look at that product and figure out maybe we got to rebrand. Maybe we’re looking at the wrong audience, but I can’t just say, well, don’t worry about it. Let’s go to step two because you can see what we just lost.

 

We just lost you telling the truth when you absolutely, 100% believe what you’re about to say is the truth. You don’t have to work real hard and mark up the conversation like a musical score of where to start and stop. Everything takes over from there. So again, I don’t want to disappoint, but I’m going to tell you I can go much deeper into many areas.

 

If you just give me one, I’ll tell the truth. Very important for that insight, because this is so great. Actually, when you said it’s really important that you believe you, that hit me like a ton of bricks. And here’s why. It took me back almost ten years from when I was at the University of Wisconsin and I was teaching a social media class.

 

And, you know, how to increase sales through social media. And I was teaching at UW Madison and throughout, you know, various schools of business and business owners, entrepreneurs, you know, regional leaders and so forth were the attendees of the class, not undergrad students. And for whatever reason, I didn’t like how I set up the class.

 

You know, it was like a half day, maybe a full day in certain situations, but it was typically a half day class. I didn’t like how I set it up. Rob and and so I always had all of this anxiety going into the class. I didn’t like the class and that reflected in the reviews. But then when I taught my search engine optimization class, the reviews were really good.

 

But I didn’t like this social class. And so when you just said it’s really important that you believe you, that made me think. I’m like, well, no wonder it’s because it was. The problem was with me, not necessarily. The curriculum was good and all that kind of stuff. It was about me and I was delivering it in such a way that probably cast off the fact that I didn’t really like it.

 

And so then I was creating a poor experience. So what would be your assessment of that? I think you nailed it. And I think and let’s go even a step deeper, because some people that are listening will say, well, he’s making it easy. It’s just working with people he likes through it. What if we don’t like to?

 

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How to Become Authentic: Creating A Hero Story

 

Let’s go back to that class. I’ll tell you if I had a microphone in your ear, okay? Or a piece in your ear and I work with. It’s another author that I really like who talks about hero stories. And\ I really adapted this, and I just worked with a major client kind of helping with this meaning.

 

Well, wait a minute. You don’t really know the story of that client that’s giving you trouble. That’s what’s keeping you up. You don’t know the story of that class. That just doesn’t it’s kind of annoying you. What if you knew and and unconsciously typically we begin to create a story that doesn’t exist. They probably spoil. They’re probably living in their parents’ basements.

 

They’re these kids these days. Whatever you want to do, well, that’s a good story. But 90% of it, you actually don’t know. You’re just making assumptions. You change the story. In other words, what if I told you a story and I don’t know if it’s true either. But what if I made up my story and I said to that person, there is one of the most giving, caring people in the world.

 

Actually, they have a sick sibling that they take care of every single day. And sometimes it takes a little out of them and they show up with a bit of an edge. Sometimes they’re just not quite that. \Not as giving as you want them to be. But if I filled in that information, would you have a different opinion of them? The answer is yes. 

 

Well, my point to you is why can’t we create stories that make us believe sometimes? Because now we can’t. I’m just trying to take your worst case scenario here, and we can actually create a more of a hero story, more of a story that is beneficial about that person. And now we are again. Now we can start telling the truth.

 

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How to Become Authentic: Making Assumption to A Person’s Situation and Believing It

 

Now we can get back to being honest now because we’ve just told a different story. I really think there’s value there. Wow. Okay. That’s awesome. I love the reframing because we have absolutely no idea what that other person’s situation is. But isn’t it interesting how we make assumptions as to what that person’s situation is as opposed to actually figuring it out?

 

Yeah, yeah. And then we start believing it and lasting up to our 20s. But you know, how many times have people who are listen, you’re Onward Nation and you and I walked by somebody at the health club or on the way the office, and we walk by them for a month or two and they couldn’t look more miserable looking down at the ground after a while, when we look at them and go, I don’t want to look at you either.

 

And we begin and all of a sudden, these stories, the greatest at probably I snob, right? And all of a sudden one thing happens to us accidentally. We both make eye contact, and you get the warmest smile in the world from that individual and you smile back and go, what? What was I thinking? Maybe even develop a friendship.

 

And there you go, I had created a story that had no validity because my mind just went there. We got to stop doing that business personally if we. It’s just a whole lot easier to find this tune if we do so. Anyway, I’ll leave it at that. Love it. Okay, so give us another nugget.

 

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How to Become Authentic: Don’t Let a Limp Hold You Back

 

Okay. How about this one? How about and let’s stay on the inside and you tell me when you want to go outside. But sometimes again I think somebody I want to take care of this audience. Yours might be listening, going. Well, I know that there’s a guy named Jarvis there. He’s a professional speaker that bounce comes easy to him.

 

And he was an actor. Maybe we have somebody who has a stutter. Maybe we have somebody who stammers. Maybe we have somebody who just isn’t comfortable with their appearance or like me, you know, bald headed, I don’t know, whatever it is, I will tell you that I love a reference that that I use in the book that actually somebody told me is somewhat spiritual, but it’s just a piece that I have.

 

Like it says, we all walk with a limp and when we’re talking to an individual that doesn’t have a limp, one of two things are happening. One, the individual isn’t telling the truth, or two, they have no capacity. You have any compassion whatsoever for another individual. And quite frankly, if it was within my ability, I probably steer clear of them.

 

I think it’s an absolute anomaly. When you’re dealing with adults, everybody walks with a limp. Our challenge is to stop getting hung up on our limp. Most people, if you’re not hung up on it, they’re not hung up on it. The real concern is, is this limp hanging you up. So walk tall. Don’t you know whatever that limp is?

 

And I got a few of them. I’m sure you got a few of them, Stephen. If we can make peace with it, everybody else around this can. And now we can keep going down that road and again, finding that tune, finding that too. We don’t have to have a limp hold us back. Amen to that. And because, as you said, we all have those.

 

I think it was Saint Paul who said we all have a thorn in our side. The thorns are different, but we all have them. But instead of thinking that as a setback, they can also create commonality that can also help you find your tribe of other people who might be struggling with the same thing, or who might excel at similar gifts and talents that you have.

 

So those things that we might think are setbacks can actually be setting us up for great success in the future, if we’re willing, maybe if we’re brave enough to go down that path. But Rob, what do you think I 100% agree with you. And like I said, if it won’t, if it doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother them, you know?

 

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How to Become Authentic: A Great Lesson from Animals

 

Last thing, I’ll tell you that, you know, if you ever walk down the street. We’re in a neighborhood with a lot of dogs. Two of them. Two different dogs are missing a leg. Some of them, you know, are a little on the old side. You know, the cool thing about a great lesson from watching any animal.

 

You think the dog without that leg is looking around, wondering what the other dogs are thinking quickly. Couldn’t care less. Doesn’t care about his or her limp, and neither does anyone else. And it always makes me smile thinking, I wish that came more naturally. Dogs have a great perspective. So I know that we covered a lot and thank you for the golden nuggets out of your latest book.

 

Very much appreciate it. But before we go, before we say goodbye and any final advice that you have for us, Rob, anything you think we might have missed? And then please do tell us the best way to connect with you. All right, so what did we miss? 

 

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How to Become Authentic: Final Advice from Rob

 

Well, when summing up a book, it’s kind of tough but, I’ll say this, you know, as we’re listening, some people would look at the conversation that we’re having right now, and certainly the tools were beginning to look at the percentage place and say, well, it sounds like having a great conversation about soft skills.

 

I need you to understand that I detest the word soft skills. Our conversation today has not been about soft skills. If somebody else may think that, I don’t like the word because if you go to Webster’s Dictionary and look at the definition of soft, you’ll see this demanding little work or effort. That’s my soft skills.

 

It’s a PR problem. That’s why soft skills get cut from training budgets. And, boy, those hard skills required are defined as requiring a great deal of endurance or effort. But here I am in this petri dish, and I work with all kinds of companies. But six years now, I still go back to that room and I’ll be there tonight.

 

There’s not a person in that room who’s there because they’re there. Hard skills failed them. They’re there because they’re soft skills fail them. And I want to start a movement that says we ban the word soft skills. We call them performance skills. And we realize that if not only in your individuals, but if you’re managing a team, you take those performance skills seriously.

 

Teach people how to disagree, teach them how to build and support ideas, teach them how to, collaborate and feed on a team. They’re not doing it in the schools, and that’s why we’ve got to do it because that’s powerful. Let’s call them performance skills. I love the renaming there but it’s so spot on.

 

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How to Become Authentic: How to Connect with Rob

 

That’s awesome. So Rob’s best way to connect with is jolles.com. And I write something I know you’ve got a lot of writers out there. I write something called a blog article. I trademarked that. It belongs to me. It’s not a blog. It’s not an article. It’s a blog. I call it out every two weeks.

 

And my legalzoom different definition wise. If there isn’t a wealth, something in it for that reader that it’s not a blog article, so I won’t write it if there isn’t something that you can grab and an idea. But, anyhow, just go to jolles.com and you’ll learn all about me and my stuff. 

 

Okay, Onward Nation, no matter how many notes you took or how often you go back and re-listen to Rob’s words of wisdom, which I sure hope that you do. The key is you have to take these golden nuggets. You have to take this process. You have to take this recipe. And with intentionality execute, apply it, put it into practice and you will accelerate your results.

 

And Rob, we all have the same 86,400 seconds in a day. And I am so grateful, my friend, that you said yes, except in my invitation to come on to the show where an incredible guide and mentor to our Onward Nation business owners helped us move onward to that next level. Thank you so much, Rob. It was an absolute pleasure.

 

You know, the complement of an interview is I felt like we were at Starbucks having a cup of coffee and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Thank you sir. 

 

This episode is complete, so head over to OnwardNation.com for show notes and more food to fuel your ambition. Continue to find your recipe for success here at Onward Nation.

 

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